Happy Thanksgiving

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is already here. I remember last Thanksgiving saying, by this time next year we will have a baby. Boy was I wrong!!! Survived through yet another week, with NO TESTING for OVULATION. I am surprised myself how much less stress I have not focusing on ovulating. My husband even commented about it. I also started walking with my IPOD at night. I love it, the weather is beautiful- I listen to my music. But there is one problem-now I am having a rough time falling asleep at night. Ideally, waking up and walking before work would be better but I have to be at work at 7:30 am. Well, busy baking a pumpkin pie and my potato casserole. Wishing everyone a very happy Turkey Day:)

To Test for Ovulation or not to test???

Made it through a very busy week. But I can say so far have not had the hot flashes as bad as I usually get them-which is nice because I can sleep better. We got some good news, IVF called and was able to move our appointment up a week and it is great because it falls on a Thursday which is David's day off from work.

Just wanted to say "thank you" for your responses/comments. I will let you all know when I get my IPOD-since that seems to be the winner for the stress reduction.

Been debating whether or not to test for ovulation. Since I know we can't do the IUI this month and besides for the past several months we did test and did the baby dance at the "right times" and still nothing. I figure why stress myself out thinking and knowing about it. Because for some reason the BFN hurts more because in the back of my head I am thinking-"I ovulated-so maybe I am pregnant". I think also timing ovulation makes the 2ww feel like forever for me.

This week I spoke with a nurse at IVF and she gave me some interesting information I wasn't aware about. She said that just because you test positive on the ovulation kits-doesn't necessarily mean you are dropping an egg. Apparently those tests look at LH and in some cases you can have the LH surge without releasing an egg. She also said that clomid often thins the uterine lining which is almost like a double edged sword. It helps with ovulation but if the lining is to thin, pregnancy may be difficult.

It really is amazing when you start to think about the human body and how everything in the body has a "job".

Make a list

I am on the search to find a way to have less stress/worrying in my life. My husband seems to think that is part of the problem with our unexplained infertility. He wants me to find some sorty of outlet/or hobby to distract me from the stress of TTC. I think this is easier said than done.

I made a list of hobbies-1 shopping (will put us in debt and spend money I don't need to be spending) 2 Scrapbooking (enjoy it however I need to be in the mood and have a project in mind to complete) 3 watch general hospital (love this idea:) 4 Exercise (get an IPOD and go walking) Whatever I choose to do, I need to do it soon.

WHY

Sometimes I wish I knew the answer to the question "why?" Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are there thousands of dogs waiting to be adopted at the humane society? Why is it everywhere I look I see pregnant people or newborn babies? Why can some people just look at someone and get pregnant and others try for years and years? Why do some people in this world not understand how when you choose to have a child and get pregnant, you no longer can be selfish.

Instead you must live your life and realize the decisions you make effect your child. The reason I bring this up is I work at a hospital and see many patients (babies) that are being weaned off of cocaine and/or marijuana or shaken baby syndrome. Why do these women get to have children, when we have been trying for 2 years and I would give my right arm if we could have a child.

Cycles

Who would have ever thought I would think about each month as a "cycle" vs an actual named month (i.e January). Instead, I think about all the fun hormones I get to take once my "cycle" starts, when during my "cycle" I need to start testing for ovulation, and when during my "cycle" we will need to do the "baby dance". We went to the doctor yesterday and found out this month my gynocologist will be on vacation during my possibility of ovulation so this month is out as far as IUI goes. He also suggested I move up my IVF appointment to when my next "cycle" is supposed to start because they will probably want to run tests when I am on my "cycle" and if I keep my current appointment I would have to wait yet another "cycle". IVF is supposed to get back to me as far as the possibilty of moving my appointment for me.

The other issue is my "stress" level. My blood pressure was really high during my appointment. I had a headache the past 2 days but figured it was from the change in weather. Turns out it was my bloodpressure. The doctor really had no explanation for my "infertility". But, he did make a very obvious observation- I am a stressmonger and need to stop stressing/worrying. It is just really hard to do, especially with work. I am trying to find a way to "destress" and relax myself every day.

The Wicked Witch Has Arrived

Well its official, the wicked witch has arrived AGAIN, which means IUI #1 failed. We made a doctor appointment to decide if we should attempt another IUI or just make an appointment with IVF. I called IVF and there isn't an open appointment until December 14. Can't believe I have to wait that long but at least it let's me know that I am not alone and there must be a lot of people in my shoes. I just can't believe how expensive it is, and of course neither David or my insurance covers it. But on the positive side, at least the witch showed on time-every 31 days becomming more and more like clockwork and now I can look forward to another month of trying. I am just glad that 2ww is over because it felt like forever.

Starting up my blog

Up until a few weeks ago, I never even really knew what a blog was. But on my road down the 2ww of insanity(which I have been down many times) I stumbled across many peoples infertility blogs. I decided this is great, a place where I can come to write down/journal all my feelings and a place for others to come and realize we are not alone.